A kung fu fighter in a disco

If all goes to plan this should SCIENTIFICALLY PINPOINT the essence of a great pop star without any of that pesky music getting in the way.

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a full THREE* of these have already been popstars! (and in the case of the one i ticked, v good at it too.)

*at LEAST: who knows what charity singles lurk out there

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Kate Moss appearing on a Primal Scream album track doesn't count.

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OH GOOD GRIEF I just Googled 'Kate Moss Record Single' and guess what comes up (http://arts.guardian.co.uk/features/story/0,,1852393,00.html)!

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OUR HEROINE IS THE EPICENTRE OF THIS STORY!

The Primal Scream song with Kate M on it is my favourite Primal Scream song of all.

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Hello, I'm Brian Blessed.

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HELLO, I'M BRIAN BLESSED! SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

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He does not look like he would be a good popstar. He alarms me.

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It his JOB to ALARM you! He is very good at SHOUTIIIING!

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what is he though? is he a comedian? I do not like comedians.

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No! He is an ACTOR!

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What films has he been in?!

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There might be some small comedic element to his appeal I suggest.

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Well, he is v.funny, but he's not an actual comedian, innit?

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also he has nearly died on the sliops of everest ON TELLY

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nicolars.livejournal.com

Beardos are automatically disqualified. Even Grizzly Adams!

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http://users.livejournal.com/xyzzzz__/

only ticked Kate but I remembered (via k-punk) that apparently she hasn't given an interview in years (=> not as demystified as most on this list).

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NB: Pharrell has said that he is "working with" Prince Williams.

(I assume on a non-musical 'project' but ONE CAN ALWAYS ~~HOPE~~FEAR)

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WILLIAM.

I can never type that name without the S. I blame the Williams sisters.

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Who would make bloody good popstars.

(in fact Serena has appeared on stage with Destiny's Child already)

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CLEARLY if I was only ticking one it would be the Greatest Living Englishman. Perhaps he would do....a rap.

K Moss is proven by science to have terrible taste in music, her whole modelling career has been built on her being a bit indie.

I think Tom Cruise is the most likely of these film stars to make something extremely horrible but dementedly compelling. Clooney has too much sense and would make a tiresome crooning record.

Jade, Colleen: yes. Colleen WITH WAYNE: Matt you were too scared to put this as an option I think.

Undoubtedly the most terrible potential record here is Will Self's spoken word with trip-hop backing. I would be astonished if this didn't already exist.

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I may mean Second Greatest Living Englishman, the Pinefox not being on yr list.

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I think Brian Blessed would make a v.good English eqv of Fatman Scoop.

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Best post ever.

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zenith.livejournal.com

It does exist! It's a Bomb The Bass song.

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Surely Colleen and Wayne would be the Eamon and Frankie of Fake Pop - ie RUBBISH POP STARS.

Will Self has an actual proper rock and roll story to him, namely that one about doing smack on John Major's private plane, I think he would be one of those good pop stars that give good interview but make bad records. As opposed to a novelist who gives good interview but writes bad novels.

Clooney would be a good pop star because he is cool in an authoritative way and lots of women would fancy him but likewise the records would be dull. I agree with you totally on Tom Cruise, which is why I picked him.

Putting Kat Slater in there was a mistake because we've already had one Cerys Matthews.

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clooney wags his head the same as stevie wonder!

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nicolars.livejournal.com

I think Tom Cruise is the most likely of these film stars to make something extremely horrible but dementedly compelling.

Yes! Only he is capable of something as amazing as Blood on the Dance Floor.

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i waz flickin around TV and by mistake hit "eight out of ten cats" (BY MISTAKE I TELL YOU) and JADE was on it --- i was so happy! i forgot how much i love jade

i think she would be a poor popstar bcz it is a STEP DOWN FROM GODHEAD

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piratemoggy.livejournal.com

I would like to see Stephen Fry and Xenomania getting down to some serious n proper work now, please.

Clearly the best non-popstar celebrity to become a popstar would be Becca's Little Sister Off Of Hollyoaks, who would be excellent in a Charlotte Church/Betty Curse way,* so long as she took the good elements of both and otherwise a horrible, terrible flop.

*AND THEN BECOME THE EMO/"GRITTY WORKING CLASS" KYLIE. OMG.

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But BLSOOH has REALLY terrible hair, which disqualifies her from popstardom in a way that a mere beard cannot.

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katstevens.livejournal.com

Butbutbut she would go on an ACID RAMPAGE and think she cld fly and bvgger off into the Desert Of Cliché to "find herself" and shack up with Val Kilmer or summat.

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Criminally I failed to include A CHILD on the original list. So, which famous kid would make the best pop star?

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carsmilesteve.livejournal.com

hahahahahaha, yes

atommickbrane would make the best pop star ;)

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dickmalone.livejournal.com

That girl who plays Hermoine looks like she's well on her way!

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katstevens.livejournal.com

Did someone already mention Peaches Geldof?

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dickmalone.livejournal.com

Oh whoops I thought the "And who would be the worst" box was for write-ins, not to pick one from the list above. Still...write-ins anyone?

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Prince Harry and David Beckham to re-record 'Out of yr mind' with 'Some Velvet Morning' as the follow-up.

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Jordan, Colleen, Jade Goody and Kat Slater to cover 'Doncha'.

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k-9 to cover that radiohead song with the Stephen Hawkins voice on it.

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Gordon Ramsay to record 'rap' album. Themed around his own life as a chef and tv 'personality' and inspired by Brit-rappers like Robbie Williams, Ian Dury, John Cooper Clarke, The Streets, Sid Snot, Infinite Livez, Gordon has collaborated with top producers Pharrell, Mark Ronson, Diplo and Dangermouse. Insiders describe the record as 'edgy'. Highlights include 'If you can't stand the f*cking heat, get the f*ck out of the f*cking kitchen'; 'Where the f*ck did you learn to f*cking cook, c*nt school?'; and 'I'll charge what I f*cking like for my f*cking food you c*nt -- or did you want to f*cking cook it yourself, in which case you can f*ck off'. It's been rumoured that the record company heard no obvious single among the tracks delivered and have sent Ramsay back into the studio with Pete Waterman to record something with less swears on it.

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Ramsay would make a bad pop star I fear. Aggressive autocratic sweariness is everywhere in pop and relentless slagging of other ~~chefs~~ pop stars would just make him come over like a member of Mogwai.

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That said a novelty version of "Rat In Mi Kitchen" with Ramsay 'toasting' and the word rat replaced by the word 'c*nt' would go down 'a storm'.

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