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poptimistshello, i wrote this in my journal first which is why it doesn't have any capital letters. it is (more than) a bit mad, standardly sweary and mostly about depeche mode but kat said i should put it here. it is about as accurate as you'd expect from the mod that can't remember what the categories are for the 'a year in pop' polls.
saturdays to murderise depeche mode song that was no good at all in the first place.
no, it wasn't. you can't tell me it was. if you're going to cover a depeche mode song you might as well do one of their 268754879 really brilliant ones rather than one that sounds like a DFS advert. 'everything counts' would have been much better. although i suppose since they're going to put it through the smileyfier they might as well use a shit one.
anyway, i am very annoyed about all this because it means i'm going to have to hear 'just can't get enough' made even more shit every five minutes for the next ever. plus i usually buy the comic relief single for charity-related reasons and. well.
in depeche mode-related news i've decided in the last year that 'precious' is actually their third best song (behind 'waiting for the night' and 'enjoy the silence 04' which is better than the original because it is more melodramatic) and that 'playing the angel' is generally underrated.
oh dear now i'm listening to every version of 'enjoy the silence' on spotify in the name of RSRCH. i have underestimated the six minute long original, although will admit am still a sucker for the huge hairy guitars in the 04 version because, uhm dear lord is it really by mike "linkin park" shinoda? his hair is very embarassing but then again so are depeche mode when you get right down to it.
for some reason the rather beautiful '04 remix video isn't on youtube:
unlike 'enjoy the silence,' though, of which there are two listenable covers i can think of off the top of my head, no one has ever done a good cover of 'personal jesus' and yes that includes maz manson and johnny cash. even depeche mode only have one listenable version of it and that's the one on violator; the single version is absolutely fucking awful and sounds like it was recorded in a fishtank.
no wait, having looked closer at spotify it's obvious that there are no listenable covers of 'enjoy the silence' and what the FVCK is this travesty of a richard x remix? dear GOD man.
i can only conclude that very few people realise depeche mode songs have vocal melodies and that actually they sound fucking appalling if you get them wrong. also if you remove the 'doo DOO DOO doo, doo DOO doo DOO' keyboard bit the song loses at least 50% of its appeal.
my research thus far, using spotify, has shown me that there are four types of depeche mode cover:
TYPE 1: bad goth electro
this is just awful; i like goth electro (i mean i am writing a post about depeche mode) and understand that there are some beautiful (and hilarious) works in the genre but bad goth electro is so bad that it is hard to comprehence and often almost indistinguishable from TYPE 2 except that it contains awful growly, tuneless vocals unlike
TYPE 2: bad eurodance
which contains bad female oversung eurodance FORCEFUL lyrics apparently failing to understand that depeche mode covers are the not the moment to audition for xena. actually there were no versions with female singers of this sort of spotify, although i'm sure the exist. there were some really horrible trance versions, though, which are just as bad really since they seem to see the song as an opportunity to hammer something into the ground with dreadful, repetitive and unoriginal beats (and I LIKE trance) that completely dominate it and remove all sense of the original without putting anything there to replace it, although it is also not the moment for
TYPE 3: awful singer-songwriter covers
which suck all life out of the songs and apparently have 0 concept of a)what the relevant instrumental bits are and b)what the lyrics are about which has to be seen as some kind of triumph seeing as depeche mode are to subtle as
TYPE 4: dodgy metal
is to originality in cover versions. actually, there are some amazing dodgy metal cover versions but basically the lacuna coil version of 'enjoy the silence,' whilst not totally irredeemably bad (unlike many other depeche mode covers) is not what you'd call "attention-grabbing"
there is also a fifth (and extremely rare)
TYPE FIVE: actually any good at all
these generally understand that depeche mode songs are good because they are melancholy in a way that suggests depth but also musically driven in a way that is not dribbly and boring, understanding that there is actually a vocal melody in most depeche mode songs and that it's a grievous error to stray from said melody as you will simply sound Like A Total Dick.
[by this point in the original post i had become extremely distracted by the discovery of all the 'punk goes...' compilations on spotify and connected capslocky scandal]
right. anyway. the available cover versions and remixes of 'enjoy the silence' on spotify (here: http://open.spotify.com/search/enjoy+the+silence ) can be sectioned thusly:
TYPE ONE:
talla 2xlc's version (unspeakably embarassing, not even really goth electro but the compilation it's from claims to be)
richard x's mix of the original (better the second time i heard it but will put it here for continuity purposes)
(this is a surprisingly small section of the versions available on spotify but you can imagine that there are probably A LOT MORE)
TYPE TWO:
bonehead's version (actually this is more type one but i've put it here now; is to subtlety what sledgehammers are to delicate instruments)
van helsing + van giessen version (utterly, utterly generic; you would never realise it was 'enjoy the silence' unless you really concentrated, which is almost impossible)
talla 2xlc's version (flutlicht rmx) (this is a lot better than the original cover, although this is partly by virtue of sounding almost nothing like either the cover or the original song)
the quad's supposed "final mix" version of it, which appears to have four different versions available on spotify, ranging from three minutes something to eight minutes something in length
rachel whitbread's version (boring boring boring)
the ineffable's version which isn't really eurodance but is shit so...
electro mode's inc version, which also isn't really eurodance but is again really shit
TYPE THREE:
bell x1's version (which does at least put the hook in but is so unbearably drab and out of tune that it cannot be considered anything but totally awful)
texas lightning's version (actually sort of listenable but again this may only be my aesthetic callibration being impaired)
janita's version (which is probably amongst the VERY WORST AVAILABLE and easily the most obvious candidate for the 'removing all important hook' idiot mistake)
moriarty's version (see janita's version, except this also has a twee vocal of a sort that would be good if the song was, say, featured in an undiscovered episode of camberwick green but at all other times is one of the worst things you've ever heard; it also has out-of-tune xylophone so must be salted and burnt)
TYPE FOUR:
joint state's version (actually alright and more punk than metal but unfortunately the singer is so bad it gets dragged down)
swift's version (again, this is murderised by an embarassing singer and some ill-advised screaming)
TYPE FIVE: (which i was v. generous with because i couldn't be bothered to create a sub category called 'too innoffensive to be overly bothered with')
timo maas' instrumental mix (slightly dull but nothing actually wrong with it)
the ineffable orchestra's version (understands melodrama, pacing and dynamics; slightly dull but easily 'any good at all,' if could do with higher production values)
kim wilde's version (rocks where it should, is romantic where it can be; slightly out of tune in places but it is live so this is more forgivable than elsewhere)
orleya's version (which is amazing amazing amazing and manages to keep the hook, whilst not directly apeing the original and uses an awesome atmospheric strings'n'electronics arrangement; her voice uses little-girl singer-songwriter sinistry without being unpleasant; mesmerising)
anberlin's version (didn't really want to like this, seeing as it's what led to the unfortunate 'punk goes...' capslock binge but is far more than functional as a little punky version; doesn't quite go for it enough to be transformative and ends up a little confused but still, not bad)
the lullaby ensemble's version (weird instrumental version apparently for babies, doesn't do anything particularly wrong but isn't what you'd call 'stimulating,' either, which i suppose it wouldn't be what with being a lullaby and all; their version of 'i melt with you' by modern english is better tho)
depeche mode's original single edit (v. brilliant for obvious reasons and people who try to argue that 'enjoy the silence' is noy depeche mode's best song are obviously wrong but too short to be definitive though)
depeche mode's original album version (much better, really allows the dynamics to take hold without becoming unpleasantly long; in this day and age, six minutes is a perfectly acceptable length for a pop song, anyway)
mike shinoda's '04 remix (bigger and hairier with a stupid nu-metal take on the hook that all conspires to make the song stronger rather than drowning it; impressive)
what all of this proves i have no idea. other than that i probably have too much time on my hands.
i could do the same with 'personal jesus' but would have to add 'annoying jazz/lounge' as a type and it's not really necessary to do the entire list, seeing as there isn't a good version of 'personal jesus' (it being one of the weakest songs on 'violator,' which is a bit like saying it's only 8/10 but even so, could be better) and also the worst version of a whole set of very bad versions is richard cheese's, which is a statement that should require no evidence for most semi-sane people with ears.
i think i used to quite like 'personal jesus' but have turned against it on the basis it is at best 'rather unsubtle.'
anyway. the questions, such as there are any, raised by all this go as follows:
1. what is the worst depeche mode cover you have ever heard?
2. why are covers of depeche mode so very, very bad?
3. is 'just can't get enough' any good at all?
i would make a poll but. well.
edit: the depeche mode canon is here. as you can see, poptimists are mostly confused about what depeche mode's best songs are so it's a good job i'm here to tell you all.
if you would, for some reason, like to read the original edit of this post, featuring (even moar) mad & with the removed capslocky scandal then it is here
saturdays to murderise depeche mode song that was no good at all in the first place.
no, it wasn't. you can't tell me it was. if you're going to cover a depeche mode song you might as well do one of their 268754879 really brilliant ones rather than one that sounds like a DFS advert. 'everything counts' would have been much better. although i suppose since they're going to put it through the smileyfier they might as well use a shit one.
anyway, i am very annoyed about all this because it means i'm going to have to hear 'just can't get enough' made even more shit every five minutes for the next ever. plus i usually buy the comic relief single for charity-related reasons and. well.
in depeche mode-related news i've decided in the last year that 'precious' is actually their third best song (behind 'waiting for the night' and 'enjoy the silence 04' which is better than the original because it is more melodramatic) and that 'playing the angel' is generally underrated.
oh dear now i'm listening to every version of 'enjoy the silence' on spotify in the name of RSRCH. i have underestimated the six minute long original, although will admit am still a sucker for the huge hairy guitars in the 04 version because, uhm dear lord is it really by mike "linkin park" shinoda? his hair is very embarassing but then again so are depeche mode when you get right down to it.
for some reason the rather beautiful '04 remix video isn't on youtube:
unlike 'enjoy the silence,' though, of which there are two listenable covers i can think of off the top of my head, no one has ever done a good cover of 'personal jesus' and yes that includes maz manson and johnny cash. even depeche mode only have one listenable version of it and that's the one on violator; the single version is absolutely fucking awful and sounds like it was recorded in a fishtank.
no wait, having looked closer at spotify it's obvious that there are no listenable covers of 'enjoy the silence' and what the FVCK is this travesty of a richard x remix? dear GOD man.
i can only conclude that very few people realise depeche mode songs have vocal melodies and that actually they sound fucking appalling if you get them wrong. also if you remove the 'doo DOO DOO doo, doo DOO doo DOO' keyboard bit the song loses at least 50% of its appeal.
my research thus far, using spotify, has shown me that there are four types of depeche mode cover:
TYPE 1: bad goth electro
this is just awful; i like goth electro (i mean i am writing a post about depeche mode) and understand that there are some beautiful (and hilarious) works in the genre but bad goth electro is so bad that it is hard to comprehence and often almost indistinguishable from TYPE 2 except that it contains awful growly, tuneless vocals unlike
TYPE 2: bad eurodance
which contains bad female oversung eurodance FORCEFUL lyrics apparently failing to understand that depeche mode covers are the not the moment to audition for xena. actually there were no versions with female singers of this sort of spotify, although i'm sure the exist. there were some really horrible trance versions, though, which are just as bad really since they seem to see the song as an opportunity to hammer something into the ground with dreadful, repetitive and unoriginal beats (and I LIKE trance) that completely dominate it and remove all sense of the original without putting anything there to replace it, although it is also not the moment for
TYPE 3: awful singer-songwriter covers
which suck all life out of the songs and apparently have 0 concept of a)what the relevant instrumental bits are and b)what the lyrics are about which has to be seen as some kind of triumph seeing as depeche mode are to subtle as
TYPE 4: dodgy metal
is to originality in cover versions. actually, there are some amazing dodgy metal cover versions but basically the lacuna coil version of 'enjoy the silence,' whilst not totally irredeemably bad (unlike many other depeche mode covers) is not what you'd call "attention-grabbing"
there is also a fifth (and extremely rare)
TYPE FIVE: actually any good at all
these generally understand that depeche mode songs are good because they are melancholy in a way that suggests depth but also musically driven in a way that is not dribbly and boring, understanding that there is actually a vocal melody in most depeche mode songs and that it's a grievous error to stray from said melody as you will simply sound Like A Total Dick.
[by this point in the original post i had become extremely distracted by the discovery of all the 'punk goes...' compilations on spotify and connected capslocky scandal]
right. anyway. the available cover versions and remixes of 'enjoy the silence' on spotify (here: http://open.spotify.com/search/enjoy+the+silence ) can be sectioned thusly:
TYPE ONE:
talla 2xlc's version (unspeakably embarassing, not even really goth electro but the compilation it's from claims to be)
richard x's mix of the original (better the second time i heard it but will put it here for continuity purposes)
(this is a surprisingly small section of the versions available on spotify but you can imagine that there are probably A LOT MORE)
TYPE TWO:
bonehead's version (actually this is more type one but i've put it here now; is to subtlety what sledgehammers are to delicate instruments)
van helsing + van giessen version (utterly, utterly generic; you would never realise it was 'enjoy the silence' unless you really concentrated, which is almost impossible)
talla 2xlc's version (flutlicht rmx) (this is a lot better than the original cover, although this is partly by virtue of sounding almost nothing like either the cover or the original song)
the quad's supposed "final mix" version of it, which appears to have four different versions available on spotify, ranging from three minutes something to eight minutes something in length
rachel whitbread's version (boring boring boring)
the ineffable's version which isn't really eurodance but is shit so...
electro mode's inc version, which also isn't really eurodance but is again really shit
TYPE THREE:
bell x1's version (which does at least put the hook in but is so unbearably drab and out of tune that it cannot be considered anything but totally awful)
texas lightning's version (actually sort of listenable but again this may only be my aesthetic callibration being impaired)
janita's version (which is probably amongst the VERY WORST AVAILABLE and easily the most obvious candidate for the 'removing all important hook' idiot mistake)
moriarty's version (see janita's version, except this also has a twee vocal of a sort that would be good if the song was, say, featured in an undiscovered episode of camberwick green but at all other times is one of the worst things you've ever heard; it also has out-of-tune xylophone so must be salted and burnt)
TYPE FOUR:
joint state's version (actually alright and more punk than metal but unfortunately the singer is so bad it gets dragged down)
swift's version (again, this is murderised by an embarassing singer and some ill-advised screaming)
TYPE FIVE: (which i was v. generous with because i couldn't be bothered to create a sub category called 'too innoffensive to be overly bothered with')
timo maas' instrumental mix (slightly dull but nothing actually wrong with it)
the ineffable orchestra's version (understands melodrama, pacing and dynamics; slightly dull but easily 'any good at all,' if could do with higher production values)
kim wilde's version (rocks where it should, is romantic where it can be; slightly out of tune in places but it is live so this is more forgivable than elsewhere)
orleya's version (which is amazing amazing amazing and manages to keep the hook, whilst not directly apeing the original and uses an awesome atmospheric strings'n'electronics arrangement; her voice uses little-girl singer-songwriter sinistry without being unpleasant; mesmerising)
anberlin's version (didn't really want to like this, seeing as it's what led to the unfortunate 'punk goes...' capslock binge but is far more than functional as a little punky version; doesn't quite go for it enough to be transformative and ends up a little confused but still, not bad)
the lullaby ensemble's version (weird instrumental version apparently for babies, doesn't do anything particularly wrong but isn't what you'd call 'stimulating,' either, which i suppose it wouldn't be what with being a lullaby and all; their version of 'i melt with you' by modern english is better tho)
depeche mode's original single edit (v. brilliant for obvious reasons and people who try to argue that 'enjoy the silence' is noy depeche mode's best song are obviously wrong but too short to be definitive though)
depeche mode's original album version (much better, really allows the dynamics to take hold without becoming unpleasantly long; in this day and age, six minutes is a perfectly acceptable length for a pop song, anyway)
mike shinoda's '04 remix (bigger and hairier with a stupid nu-metal take on the hook that all conspires to make the song stronger rather than drowning it; impressive)
what all of this proves i have no idea. other than that i probably have too much time on my hands.
i could do the same with 'personal jesus' but would have to add 'annoying jazz/lounge' as a type and it's not really necessary to do the entire list, seeing as there isn't a good version of 'personal jesus' (it being one of the weakest songs on 'violator,' which is a bit like saying it's only 8/10 but even so, could be better) and also the worst version of a whole set of very bad versions is richard cheese's, which is a statement that should require no evidence for most semi-sane people with ears.
i think i used to quite like 'personal jesus' but have turned against it on the basis it is at best 'rather unsubtle.'
anyway. the questions, such as there are any, raised by all this go as follows:
1. what is the worst depeche mode cover you have ever heard?
2. why are covers of depeche mode so very, very bad?
3. is 'just can't get enough' any good at all?
i would make a poll but. well.
edit: the depeche mode canon is here. as you can see, poptimists are mostly confused about what depeche mode's best songs are so it's a good job i'm here to tell you all.
if you would, for some reason, like to read the original edit of this post, featuring (even moar) mad & with the removed capslocky scandal then it is here
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no subject
Date: 2009-01-29 11:27 pm (UTC)Also that link totally reveals my DM ignorance up until a couple of years ago :)
no subject
Date: 2009-01-29 11:32 pm (UTC)i was very big on depeche mode as a teenager but then again i was also a(n even more) massive goth.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-29 11:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-29 11:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-30 09:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-30 10:40 am (UTC)Wrong! It's actually the best version. And anyway, Depeche Mode - I only like the early funny stuff. Doing lots of drugs and almost killing yourself does not equal deep.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-31 09:53 am (UTC)i don't think they're all that deep, their miserabilist moments tend to be their more beautiful, though.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-01 12:51 am (UTC)Yeees - that's the point. He's being a lounge singer.
Anyway, I've seen him live and he's very entertaining. And his band (piano/bass/drums) are excellent.
I guess if you don't get it, you don't get it. But hey.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-30 12:50 pm (UTC)marilyn manson 'personal jesus'
2. why are covers of depeche mode so very, very bad?
because DM's most coverable songs are all so great
3. is 'just can't get enough' any good at all?
of course it bloody is
no subject
Date: 2009-01-30 05:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-03 06:13 am (UTC)