poptimists | A Year In Pop: 49

I am pulling up the drawbridge when it comes to Xmas songs because I HATE XMAS BAH HUMBUG. The only one of the new ones I can stand is 'Last Christmas' anyway. I am happy that Mariah got through before the deluge.

I remember Tom calling 'What Hurts The Most' a "dishwater ballad about nothing" when Racist Jo O'Meara first did it. I can't imagine it changed sufficiently to be any good at all.

ANYWAY the only stand-out this week is the amazing 'Bed': I reviewed J Holiday's album (http://arts.guardian.co.uk/filmandmusic/story/0,,2223302,00.html) last week and mostly just went on about how amazing 'Bed' was. SHOW LOVE Y'ALL.

Gosh that's a lot of xmas rereleases.

Slade FTW!

This is horrible. Roll on February.

CASCADA - 2007 has generally been a poor year for bosh cover versions, except for "Uninvited" and Hi-Tack, most of the stuff I've been hearing has been really pedestrian BUT thank heaven for Cascada who give this old Racist Jo / Rascal Flatts song some full-on hands-in-the-air drama and power - there's an ACTUAL BELTING ANGRY SONG in there, who knew! In the video Miz Cascada is the GRUMPY ONE at a party, we've all been there I'm sure. BIG TICK.

NARCTIC MONEYS - OK spiky rumble from the Monkeys, the feller's voice is annoying me a bit, I get the impression that the lyrics are angry about modern culture! YOU TELL EM ARCTIC MONKEYS. Closer to a tick than imagined, but no.

THE ENEMY - Dudes if you all pooled your money you could probably get the ACTUAL "That's Entertainment" back in the charts!

PETER GELDERBLOM - DANGER NOW this is a Red Hot Chili Peppers remix. There are no numbers to mathematically express how much better this is than the original, but there's enough of said original for this to take the fast track out of ticksville.

J HOLIDAY - Slow jam which is horribly muffled on this YouTube video but is a bit gorgeous really and kind of tender though also a little unctious. Also I'm sure I've seen eyes rolling back used more often to describe being MOIDERED than coming. But definitely a TICK.

FOO FIGHTERS - sounds a bit like the Manics. Later Manics. No tick.

Of the others - Slade, Wizzard, Wham, Band Aid all excellent. Andy Williams and Shakey can bug off.

I finally 'got' (as in started loving rather than merely liking) 'Bleeding Love' at the weekend, hurrah!

Elvis - usual rules apply, never heard it = no tick. I wonder how many people bought this by mistake instead of Leona?

Cascada - I totally can't remember Racist Jo's original. Hahahah Tom's OTM, this is a great bosh-up. The video is hilarious (mwahaha "I CANT SORRY") and the song is much less harsh than the usual Cascada offerings.

Arctic Monkeys - Conversely this is a rubbish rubbish video. GET ONE BUDGET BOYS. They are starting to look more and more like various characters off Hollyoaks IN A BAD WAY. Like most AM songs I really like the main riffs and the general pop song structure but his vocals and the lyrics are so clunking. Nearly a tick.

The Enemy - My God this chap is possibly the least charismatic man I have ever seen. Amazingly though, his voice is less annoying than the Arctic Monkeys bloke! He even looks a bit like Paul Weller, hahaha. Anyway, he should cheer up & be thankful he's not having to do the driving himself, the M62 can be a right nightmare in the dark. This isn't actually horrendous by any means, but I am this much ---][--- botherd.

Peter G - OH GOD. I can see why someone might have thought this was a good idea, but WHY keep Kiedis' grating vocal instead of getting the normal chipmunk woman to do it instead? Make this dude listen to some Scooter!

J Holiday - aww this is quite sweet. I like the gloopy drums. But I'm in a fussy mood. Sorry Lex, no tick.

Foo Fighters - BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68qqyM-_K4w) oh dear. Song is pretty dire but Dave & co have pulled out another ace video with stupid wigs/moustaches.

Wham, Andy W, Slade: tick.
Shakin, Wizzard, Band Aid: no tick.

Are any of the Xmas songs actually new this year?

Christmas song I like from this year: Taylor Swift "Christmas When You Were Mine."

Christmas joke novelty that's somewhat more sociologically interesting than the usual Christmas joke novelty: Montgomery Gentry's "Merry Christmas From The Family" (but the original from Robert Earl Keen actually has a video).

What I ticked:

Cascada "What Hurts The Most": I have no idea what or who the original is, but this is a passionate heartbroken sentiment that finds the murder in the boshin' stompin' beats. Has LeAnn Rimes ever tried her hands and feet at bosh? She'd be excellent: would knock the furniture through the walls and make the curtains weep.

Peter Gelderblom "Waiting 4": Functional beats, washes, chord changes. The lame voice achieves beauty amidst all the blips.

What I didn't tick:

J. Holiday "Bed": The vocals are standard r&b prettiness; I like that the beats have been twisted into alien bubbles, but this is passing over me. (So how do I explain that Lloyd is going to be in my top ten with standard r&b vocal prettiness that's even less distinctive: well, Lloyd's arrangement gives him a whole bed of beauty to rest on, which "Bed"'s doesn't.)

The Enemy "We'll Live And Die In These Towns": This starts really nice, the way the horns weep into each other's eyes. But then there's the boring indie stumble, as the horns are abandoned in favor of the usual rot and rue. This would almost be borderline, if it weren't intent in dying in its sad demographic.

Arctic Monkeys "Teddy Picker": Alex Turner is one of the few indie singers whose singing I like; he's pushy but finds his way to quick melodicism 'cause of the way his voice quavers higher or lower at the end of each line. But I just borrowed this album from the library and listening to it is a TERRIBLE experience. Nonetheless it's interestingly terrible in that the sound is all wrong. The bass and drum are just jabbing at you like a neurotic digging his fingers into your palms. This has a beat like a stick, not a beat that moves, simply one that cuffs you around the ears. Cuffs and palms, but nothing for the feet, nothing to do with dance, no rockin' in its rock. So what there is of melody stands on its own, while the band fires staple guns at our heads and throws bombs at our stomachs. If I weren't swamping myself with year-end catch-up I'd listen a lot to try to get into it, just to make sense of it. The record is strange enough that I might achieve something by liking it. Did the album actually sell well? Did it come near to the first album's sales? I'd be flabbergasted if it did.

Foo Fighters "Long Road To Ruin": Awful, thin dull singing, gets nice when the guitar and harmonies fill this out, but then the fullness gets muddled and irritating too.

By the way, when is the deadline for ticking these polls. I have to go back to all those that I overlooked in June and July.

(deleted comment) (Show 2 comments)

On checking the chart history of "Last Christmas", I was really surprised that it hasn't been in since 1986! I had the impression that it was wheeled out more or less every year for at least minor charting.

¤ Elvis + Christmas: I'm just gonna close my eyes and NOT TICK these, sorry.
¤ Cascada: Not really up for decent-enough bosh now, I notice. NO TICK.
¤ Arctic Monkeys: Not all that bad or anything, but nah. NO TICK. Haha, "save it for the morning after" wtf.
¤ Enemy: Voice gets annoying pretty quick, but I like the backing a lot -- that echoey, 60s (/c86) retrofetish sound. TICK.
¤ Gelderblom: No need, really. NO TICK.
¤ Holiday: Great beat I think, have some trouble with vocals (on youtube). But TICK.
¤ Foo Fighters: Haha yes the video. But I also quite like the song in a way I never seem to do with the FFs. Surprising myself with a TICK.

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Those actual hits in full

Leona

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An American asks

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